


Scar Tissue

by Dopecarmilla



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Dissociation, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor needs a goddamn hug, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 11:51:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13763544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dopecarmilla/pseuds/Dopecarmilla
Summary: Kara comes over for a movie night but notices a change in her friend. Lena is in a depressive episode and doesn't know what to do.





	Scar Tissue

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags if you haven’t already!

Kara noticed the change in Lena as soon as she walked into her apartment. The light in her eyes was a little dimmer, her hug lacked its usual enthusiasm and when Lena pulled away she wrapped her arms around herself. She looked smaller than Kara had ever seen her, drowning in a huge knit sweater that hung down her thighs. Sometimes Kara forgot just how young the CEO really was, but take away the power suits and the makeup and there was a 23 year old girl that the world had never been kind to.

Lena retreated into the apartment and Kara walked into the kitchen to put the takeout down. 

“I hope you’re hungry Lee, I got your favorite from that Italian place,” Kara says with a hopeful smile.

“Thanks Kara but I’m not really hungry right now,” Lena says quietly as she picks up her scotch and sinks into the couch. 

“Oh okay, well it’s here if you want any..” Kara trails off and stares as Lena absentmindedly searches through the Netflix queue. Normally when Kara came over she was the only thing Lena payed any attention to, she had never seen her like this before. She briefly wondered if she had done something to upset Lena but that just didn’t seem likely. She had seemed fine on the phone yesterday when they set up this movie night.

Kara carried her plate of food over and sat on the couch. Lena hums at every suggestion Kara makes, not offering any herself, and eventually they settle on some silly rom com. Kara hopes it’ll pull Lena out of this mood but she only offers a weak smile whenever Kara looks at her. The only time she even moves is to go refill her drink. When she comes back to the couch Kara leans in closer and puts her head on her shoulder like they always do. Lena usually loves how touchy Kara is but this time she immediately stiffens.

Kara pulls back and notices Lena’s jaw is clenched and the tendons in her neck stand out in sharp relief.

“I’m sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have assumed…” Kara says in a small voice, distraught that she’d clearly upset her further.

Lena closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, “You don’t have to be sorry Kara, if anything I should be apologizing. I’ve been awful to you all night and you don’t deserve that. I’m not going to be good company tonight I’m afraid. You should just go home.” Lena says with her eyes downcast, staring blankly into the amber liquid she swirled in the glass.

Kara is taken aback, “If that’s what you want then I’ll go… but if there’s anything you want to talk about I just want you to know that I’m here for you, okay?” 

Lena doesn’t look up and just nods her head. Kara want nothing more than to pull her friend into an embrace but figures that would only do more harm than good. She gets up and grabs her coat heading to the door.

She gives Lena one last look before closing the door softly behind her. She makes her way to the elevator, her heart breaking with every step as the sound of gentle sobbing emanates from Lena’s apartment.

Kara walked slowly back to her apartment, second guessing herself and wishing she had done more for her friend. What exactly that would mean she hadn’t quite figured out yet. She contemplated calling Alex to talk this through but she decided to take this time for herself and reflect on what she already knew about Lena.

Sometimes Kara hated her powers. As a kid there were plenty of reasons for that. They set her apart from everyone else on this planet, they were difficult to control at first and any slip up could mean disaster for her or her adoptive family. But as an adult the worst part was knowing things she was never meant to know. Overhearing coworkers talking about her behind her back, an accidental x-ray revealing someone had a pregnancy test in their purse, but it was usually little things that she could ignore or willfully forget. But there were a few things that always stuck, one of them being scar tissue. Kara was able to see with pinpoint accuracy every cell of the fibrous tissue no matter how faint it was in contrast to the rest of the skin. 

The first time Kara had seen Maggie Sawyer in a sleeveless shirt she did her best to keep a straight face and not stare at the scars that criss crossed the detectives arms, spread from her wrist up to her shoulder. Maybe three of them were deep enough to be visible to a humans eye, Kara didn’t want to count the rest. She wondered if Alex knew this about her fiancé but had decided long ago that someones old wounds were none of her business.

Kara had known Lena for a few months before they had a sleepover where she leant her friend a pair of shorts. The sight of Lena’s pale thighs marred with dozens of scars took the breath out of her. She ached to reach out and hold Lena and ask her why she would do this to herself but she remembered that she shouldn’t have known about them in the first place. Kara’s very existence was an invasion of privacy and she wished more than anything she could unsee this manifestation of Lena’s pain. 

—————————————

Lena didn’t even have the energy to feel guilty about kicking Kara out of her apartment. It was a cruel and shitty thing to do to the only person who had ever shown her kindness. Just another thing to add to the list of why she didn’t deserve her.

She knew she should have cancelled once she realized it was going to be one of those days. Kara had no idea about this side of Lena and she should have kept it that way. She cursed how selfish she was but she hadn’t wanted to be alone and a part of her had hoped Kara’s presence would be a comfort, and to some degree it was. Having her there made Lena feel a little more normal and grounded. But as soon as Kara had initiated physical contact it was like a knife wrenched in her gut. A very confusing feeling for someone who was normally so touch-starved.

She stared blankly at the screen long after credits rolled, she was barely inhabiting her body at this point. She shivered, the cold air of the apartment bringing her back to reality. After wiping the errant tears from her face Lena downed the rest of her drink in one long gulp that left her coughing. She stood on unsteady legs and walked over to the kitchen. Just as Kara had promised, her favorite gluten free linguine dish was waiting for her on the counter. She regarded it for a moment before putting it in the fridge in favor of pouring herself another glass. 

She stumbled over to the liquor cabinet but between the lack of food in her stomach and the alcohol already in her system her head was swimming and she lost her balance. Before she knew it the cold marble floor rushed up to meet her, uncoordinated hands flew out in front of her to no avail. Her scotch glass shattered on impact and her other wrist was caught between the floor and her body. 

She lay on the ground for a few seconds, accepting the situation for what it was. Eventually she managed to sit up, Lena realized she was surrounded by broken glass. She gingerly cradled her left wrist to her chest, pain radiated up her arm and she idly wondered if it was broken. But it was her other wrist that made her gasp when she looked at it. Blood ran from an unsightly gash down her arm where it began pooling on the floor. The pain was negligible but she seemed to have nicked a vein because it showed no sign of slowing down.

The sight had her transfixed. Suddenly she was no longer in her apartment but back in her lonely room at the Luthor mansion, a girl of 14 sitting on the floor with a razor blade she had stolen from Lionel’s workshop. Dragging it up the white skin of her thigh until it was no longer perfect, until she felt some of her inner turmoil was finally manifested in the real world. It was something manageable, something she could admire then bandage up and hide, something she was actually able to control and fix. The relief never lasted long enough though and Lena found herself in that position many more times throughout her life.

“No,” she whispered to herself, “Not again. That’s fucking enough.”

She knew in her current state she couldn’t handle this herself so she tucked her pride away and fumbled into her pocket to grab her cell phone, using the possibly broken hand she dialed the only person who she knew would show up.

“Kara? I’m so sorry… I need your help.”

**Author's Note:**

> Consider this a one-shot for the moment. I sort of have a part two written but depending on the response to this I may or may not post it.


End file.
